


Space & Time

by hellkaiserryose (ManicPixieDreamPharaoh)



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! GX
Genre: 4810, Edoryo, Past Heroshipping if you Squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-01
Updated: 2017-09-01
Packaged: 2018-12-20 14:06:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 16,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11922489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ManicPixieDreamPharaoh/pseuds/hellkaiserryose
Summary: Two years apart can take a solid thing and tear it apart, but sometimes it can make it stronger.When Edo hears that Judai has returned to Domino (and to Johan), he finds himself even more compelled to seek out the man he shared a life with in the other dimension; Kaiser Ryo, the only person he's ever been so close to, and yet it barely feels like they had anything at all.But maybe, just maybe, it could be more this time.





	1. i

# 一

"Wake up!"

Johan opened his eyes and smiled through a sleep-borne haze at his boyfriend, soft hair falling gently over brown eyes.

Serenely, he reached up and tangled a soft ringlet around his finger, "'m awake," he murmured, flexing his shoulders back until the joints popped. He raised his chest from the bed and let his back rest against the wall as Judai climbed into the bed by his side.

His knees drew up to cross Johan's lap, an arm hooking around his waist.

Johan smiled and pressed a kiss to his temple as Judai's head nuzzled into the crook of his neck.

He placed a hand on Judai's arm, holding it lightly, fingertips curled neatly around his warm skin.

"Morning," he murmured.

Judai made a soft noise of contentedness, and Johan marvelled at him, eyes half closed; still half-drunk as he so often felt, from the combination of sleep and hazy mornings with Judai.

He was so used to spending their days together again, their relationship picking up almost immediately, as though two years of separation had never happened, things had simply paused between them.

Judai had been gone for a long time, not a day had passed where Johan didn’t think of him in some respect.

Sometimes, people were like gravity. He and Judai were always drawn toward each other, they were locked in orbit and would be eternal company for one another until both of their bodies returned to dust and their names were put to rest with the people they had loved. Their tiny smudge upon the world erased without complaint or protest. They would become starlight together.

 

It had been two months of Judai sharing his bed and home, both of them sleeping too late and curling together in the sheets until their bodies carved invisible homes for their bones in the mattress.

His lanky limbs carried the slightest hint of muscle that they hadn’t before, his eyes and words a significance, a somber feeling that was also new.

But Johan had seen him worse, and he had seen him different - seen him at his darkest and his coldest - and this was neither. This was a maturity that Judai hadn’t needed to gain, but had accustomed to more naturally than the previous time he had attempted it, under a false pretense brought on by the careless words of others.

It was the maturity of a mind forced to take in more than it needed, bearing a burden that he had chosen for himself, heavy weights anchoring his heart to a world that didn’t quite suit him, just this side of drowning in it.

He did what he could to help Judai, and if he couldn't, he would hold him for an hour each morning before the day began, he would pass love onto him with everything that he had, and lock their fingers together so that Judai never felt like Johan wasn’t within his reach.

 

# 二

 

Judai always woke him like this.

He would rise before the sun, climb from bed with promises of toast and water - the medication, they both knew, would be the only strict routine of their morning - and return, empty handed before five minutes had passed, tugging Johan close and sharing the comfortable silence they had built for themselves in the tiny apartment, dust dancing in the sunlight as they stole more moments of time that they already owned.

Johan didn't mind; he cherished these moments, the softness, the quiet few words Judai chose with precision. Judai spoke with more caution than he had in their glory days, more deliberate wording, often with others it was harsher than it needed to be. But never with him. Johan was the one granted the soft words, the words he was still growing into, the words he had needed to learn to understand by using them, even if it frightened him.

Johan was teaching him that he didn’t need to be alone or to fear love and honesty and kindness, and he was sure that Judai was growing into it.

"I love you." came the voice from his shoulder, with a heavy sigh as his fingers sought out Johan's, locking them together and rubbing tiny circles onto the back of his hand.

He said it to fill the space, a quiet reminder that neither of them needed, but both appreciated.

Johan kissed his hair once more, his nose tickled by the stray baby hairs that bounced lightly at the parting of his scalp, "I love you too, Judai."

They remained like that, sharing skin, and breath, and familiar warmth, until Judai's stomach protested loudly, demanding breakfast.

Johan chuckled and dislodged Judai's knee from across his lap, he caught Judai by the waist and shifted him so that he was sitting up in the bed, flipping the covers to shield Judai's exposed legs from the crisp air of early Fall.

 

"I'll handle breakfast. Strawberry jam?" he asked, smiling when Judai nodded, shoulders wiggling as he buried himself further into the sheets of the bed, his face hidden but for heavy eyes.

Johan stretched his hands over his head with laced fingers, grunting slightly as he felt the ligaments there shift.

"Pfft, show off." came a muffled voice from a bed filled with too many pillows and blankets. (When had they become people with twelve pillows on their bed?)

Johan grinned, "What was that?" He inquired playfully.

Judai's head emerged and he stuck his tongue out. "Shut up, go make me food."

Johan laughed, reaching over and ruffling his fingers through Judai's hair - it was so fluffy and thick that he didn't think he would ever stop touching it. Judai would never be at risk of balding, Johan thought to himself as he left their bedroom, brushing his fingers past the fringed blanket that hung on the wall near the entrance.

He entered the kitchen, it was small, ‘quaint’ - Asuka had put it - but perfectly adequate for their needs.

They didn't use it often anyway, Judai had grown used to eating convenient foods, with the exception of fried shrimp, and Johan wasn't much of a cook.

They had the bare essentials, ordered takeout regularly, and ate in the cafe-turned-deli downstairs more often than not.

Johan quickly prepared some toast, smiling as the small gem beast made herself visible, scaling his body to claim her reserved perch on his shoulder. He blew a raspberry at ruby, and wrinkled his nose when she shifted forward to press both of theirs together.

He couldn't feel it, of course, but it still made him warm and content.

He set the toaster and moved to the windows, tying back the curtains to let in the dusty sunlight, its rays catching on their large sofa that was also drowning in blankets and pillows.

 

Judai had embraced and adopted his tradition and habit of hoarding blankets with full enthusiasm, and their collection of handmade throw blankets had quickly grown from five with a specific theme, to somewhere in the ballpark of twenty; a rainbow cascade of soft wool.

Johan loved them, and rearranged a fallen throw pillow onto the soft mess of fabric, before opening their chest record layer, selecting one of Judai's favourite records, and placing the needle.

A call of approval from the other room let him know he'd chosen well, and he turned the volume up before returning to the kitchen.

He retrieved the tiny box from the fridge, along with a bottle of water, and took them to Judai.

"Judai." he nudged the lump under the blankets with one foot. "Pills."

Judai's head emerged after a moment of searching for the entrance, he pouted sulkily and took them from him, downing the drugs with a mouthful of water.

"I'm going to go finish your toast. You can stay in bed today, if you'd like. I can go check on things."

Judai responded by submerging himself in the sea of woollen blankets.

Johan chuckled to himself, returning to the kitchen.

 

He buttered and spread jam across the bread before slicing it into triangles as a hand slipped around his waist, seeking upward, he felt thumbs brush along his ribcage, along tender skin of a mostly-healed scar, before cupping gently over his mostly flat chest. Johan bit back a grin laced with pride.

"Mm, I feel like there used to be something... more to grab onto around here." Judai murmured, messy, exaggerated kisses planted along Johan's shoulder and neck, noisy lips smacking together along his skin.

Johan chuckled. "I'm not sure what you mean."

Judai's breath tickled his shoulder as he spoke. "I don’t know. Just admiring my manly boyfriend who apparently doesn't agree with wearing shirts for some unknown reason." His hands shifted, thumbs tracing along Johan's collarbones before moving smoothly down his chest once more, wrapping tightly around his ribs and pulling their bodies closer together.

Johan tilted his head back and laughed breathlessly. "Judai- your toast will get cold."

A whine of protest vibrated against his neck, "Feed me." he whined, and Johan rolled his eyes, lifting a slice of the toast and guiding it to Judai’s mouth.

Judai ate eagerly yet lazily, crumbs falling onto Johan's body.

"Mm, who needs to bathe when my boyfriend will shower me with toast crumbs."

Judai continued to eat with a complete disregard for the mess he made. “Too distracted by how manly you are. I’m overwhelmed, almost emasculated.” his fingers pressed into the muscles on Johan’s stomach as he teased affectionately, Johan squirmed slightly under his touch, charmed, “So many muscles, so tough…” he words trailed off sleepily, his weight growing heavier as he slouched over Johan’s shoulder.

He raised another slice of toast, let Judai take it between his teeth, and let go.

 

He stepped out of the trap Judai had him in, opened the fridge and retrieved apple juice, pouring them each a glass.

“Asuka downstairs yet?”

Johan shrugged. “She usually doesn’t get there for another ten minutes or so. You got up earlier than usual today.”

“Hm, yeah. Loud in my head today.”

Johan frowned at that, put down his glass and looked at Judai seriously. “Loud? Are you okay?” he said carefully, not wanting to draw any assumptions.

Judai shrugged, smiled at him in that distant way - like when we were seventeen. When things first began to change - and popped onto his toes to kiss him, a habit from when Johan had still been taller.

They had balanced out in the time Judai had been travelling, yet old habits stuck hard.

“We should take a shower together.” Judai grinned, gripping the back of his neck with both hands, smiling properly as Johan tilted his chin forward to bump their noses together.

He kissed the tip of Judai’s nose. “A shower sounds nice. Get all your crumbs off me.” He murmured.


	2. ii

# 三

Edo leant against the brickwork, fingers numb from the cold as they moved his cigarette out of his mouth, exhaling a loud puff of smoke, made worse by the cold air.

He coughed roughly, it was a dirty habit, one he didn’t even need, one he didn’t remember deciding to start.

He had just walked to the corner store one day and purchased a pack, beanie pulled low over his head, averting eye contact.

He wasn’t built to be a smoker, and yet, this was the second-to-last in said pack.

He pressed the lit end against the brick, twisted it until the stem of the cigarette bent, and finally snapped.

He’d taken two breaths of it, two lungfuls of cancer for the day.

It wasn’t often he finished one.

He strode to the trash cans nearby, dropping the neglected cigarette in amidst other trash.

A soft crackle sounded, and he glanced down, dried bronze leaves swept along the sidewalk by the breeze, he felt his eyes soften.

He hadn’t realised he’d been so tense, jaw tender where he had been clenching it, forehead throbbing from his drawn brow.

He wanted to curl up like a leaf, go where the wind blew him.

He stepped on one, crushed it with his boot, and immediately felt dirty, stricken with guilt at tainting the Fall.

Such a childhood pastime- he remembered skipping along by his father’s side, hand in hand, his father raising him off the ground so that each step was like flight, before he would crash back down onto crisp leaves with brown boots, producing a loud, satisfying crunch.

He didn’t have time to waste on recovering his lost childhood, didn’t have time to depend on a father figure anymore.

 

“Edo?”

He turned at the sound of his name, Asuka was standing in the doorway to the cafe, arm holding the heavy door from swinging back shut in the Fall wind.

She was wearing a lime green apron, a brown dress underneath, tiny letters embroidered into both the sleeve and the bottom of the apron. He smiled at her.

“Hello.” He stepped toward her and took the weight of the door, following her inside.

The sudden lack of cold air through his clothing took him by surprise- the inside of the cafe was warm - really warm - and the air smelled strongly of sugar cookies and cinnamon.

The counter held a line up of scented candles, on pedestals of alternating heights, the light in the cafe warm and comforting. Edo liked it here.

“It’s about time you came to try our coffee.” Asuka beamed, hooking an arm around his neck and hugging him.

Edo tilted his head slightly and let her, bringing his hand up to touch the small of her back; he waited for it to be over. He liked Asuka- he didn’t like being held.

She released him once he reached a count of eight in his head; he smiled. “I’m sorry, but- I’m here now. What have you got for me in the way of cookies? The smell is making me hungry.”

He approached the glass display cabinets, woven trays filled with baked goods sat upon pale straw.

Asuka moved behind the counter and opened the doors from behind it, crouching down and looking at them. “You don’t have any allergies, right?” She asked, and Edo nodded.

“I think you’d like these.” She begun to move some onto a plate, as Edo glanced around the rest of the small cafe.

String lanterns hung around windows and above booths, small collections of succulents adorning each table.

The booths looked like the most comfortable thing he had ever seen, a couple curled up together in the one in the corner, a thick blanket that could almost be a rug draped over the girl’s shoulders as she rested against her partner, legs curled up beside her, toes sticking out from beneath it.  

Edo watched them, the girl’s partner was typing on a laptop, and every few seconds, the girl would reach out and close the lid, and the guy would feign annoyance before smothering her with kisses while she giggled.

He wondered if they lived together, if their feet wove together beneath blankets.

 

“Edo? Your- cookies?”

He turned to look at Asuka, holding a brown box tied with a green ribbon towards him, looking concerned.

“Thank you.” He took it from her, resting one hand on top of it to steal the warmth that rose from the cookies inside. “And- a small cappuccino, please.”

He smiled at her.

She looked at him, all pursed lips and concerned eyes, the ears of her bandana flopping forward onto her forehead.

“With soy milk.” He added, hating the look, hating the sense that she was looking right through him like cellophane.

Asuka nodded hesitantly. “Alright, Cappuccino.” She moved and begun making his coffee, her brows furrowed at her hands as she worked.

“How is Johan? He still owns this place, right?” Edo asked, pulling his phone from his pocket and tapping on the screen absently, scrolling down his feed without looking at anything.

“Johan- Oh! He’s good. Upstairs. He and Judai live upstairs, they’re-”

“Judai?” Edo said sharply, his head jerking upwards, fingers stilling on the screen.

The last he had heard, Judai was in India. He had called internationally about a year back, 4am Edo’s time, asking for a small loan.

He hadn’t bothered to explain that he wouldn’t ask unless he needed it - Edo wouldn’t care, and Judai didn’t need to. Edo had wired him the money without question or hesitation, for the same reason he knew Manjoume had given him access to their private company files, or chartered their private jet for him.

That had been a year ago.

Edo didn’t associate with anyone from Duel Academia anymore, except for Manjoume.

Manjoume was his opponent, and honestly, his closest associate at this point. Though that didn’t say much - he had isolated himself rather thoroughly, and he wasn’t sure if it was actually a problem or not.

 

“Yeah. He kind of just, showed up one day. Johan and I were out, and he called. I guess Johan never fully lost contact with him like the rest of us, and Judai was moved in the next day- not that he had any stuff to move in.” She shrugged, handing him the coffee and the EFTPOS machine to pay.

“Has everyone… caught up with him?” Edo asked, cringing internally for caring.

He pulled the sleeves of his shirt down to cover his hands, forming cotton-fists, he could feel his nails against his palms.

“A few of us. Sho, of course. I think Kenzan skyped in with Jim, Manjoume, obviously.” Edo wondered why Manjoume hadn’t mentioned it to him, “And Fubuki and Ryo.”

Edo felt something in his skin turn cold again, tiny bumps rising on his arms, sick rising in his throat.

He swallowed it back. “Nobody told me.” he said too quietly.

“What?”

“Nobody told me he was back.” Edo said slowly, looking at her. “He didn’t come to see me, nobody let me know I could visit.”

Asuka bit her lip and put down the milk jug she was towelling dry, “Edo, we all kind of assumed you didn’t want anything to do with us. Or that you were too busy.”

He smiled bitterly at that, laughed briefly. He could hardly blame them for thinking that. He picked up the coffee cup and box, tucking the latter under his arm. “You’re right. I am too busy.” He said in the kindest tone he could manage, leaving the tiny coffeeshop before he had to hear her response.


	3. iii

# 四

The door slammed itself shut behind him, a harsh gust of wind blowing up multitudes of dead leaves around him, scratching at his exposed ankles as they passed.

He started walking, went three blocks before he found a convenience store, and purchased another pack of cigarettes.

He called for a car, and spent the afternoon sitting at the docks in the tiny port town, let his feet dangle into the water. He sat the box of cookies upon his shoes, and drank his coffee in silence.

He wondered, quietly, if things would ever be different.

He wasn’t sure if he cared about better; just something to break the monotony, the grey skies and grey jeans and grey clouds that were with him every day.

He’d heard when the others had called Judai the sun, but he couldn’t bring himself to agree.

Judai was indeed a powerful conductor, catching and transferring energy to those around him, but he was less responsible for it, less in control.

Maybe he and Ryo had been wrong all along, maybe Judai really was a god, with no knowledge of how his powers manifested, how much he affected everything.

He pulled his scarf over his mouth and dragged his foot through the water slowly, feeling it resist his movements. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out his phone, sending a text to Asuka.

 

_Edo, 9:26am:_

_Thank you for the coffee and the sweets. It was lovely, your cafe was lovely._

_Sorry that I had to rush off so quickly, I’ll come back and visit again soon._

_Send my regards to Judai._

 

He hit send before he could stop himself, pressing his finger to the screen before the cold chill caught it and stopped him.

It wasn’t as though Judai had broken his heart, there was no sense in acting like a scorned ex.

He wondered why Judai hadn’t even thought of him when he returned. Edo had somehow convinced himself that they were friends, possibly the only friend Edo had ever accepted.

The helped one another, kept an eye out for each other.

They could hold a conversation without tension.

Maybe his own imagined, idealised version of their connection as stronger than the reality. Maybe he’d invented something to hold onto, something that could easily be excused should it falter, by Judai’s nomadic tendencies.

He sighed softly, tapping out a rhythm with one hand against the wooden slats of the dock.

# 五

_“Mr Phoenix?”_   
_Edo looked up, electronic pen resting on his tablet, hand poised above it, “Yes, Riho-san?”_

_The small woman clicked her heels together, hung her head, “My apologies for interrupting, however, you have a visitor. He insisted that I speak with you directly before we removed him from the premises.”_

_Edo felt his stomach twist, felt hands reaching inside of him and turning his organs one by one. What if it was him?_   
_“Uh- Who-” he closed his eyes and brought his hands together, resting his forehead against his fingertips. He exhaled slowly, “Who is he, Riho?”_   
_“Yuki. Mr Judai Yuki.” She replied, “He seems to be rather... disrespectful to this part of town. He is in the foyer downstairs.”_

_Edo opened his eyes, stared at the ridges in his own skin for a moment._

_“Mr Phoenix- Would you like me to remove him?” Riho asked cautiously, her hand resting on the door handle behind her, wanting to be excused from this situation and the company of her recently restless employer._

_“No.” Edo said finally, standing and removing his suit jacket, he placed it carefully in the office closet, zipping the garment bag around it._

_He unfolded the sleeves of his shirt, ran his fingers through his hair to loosen it._

_“Let him in, I want to see him.” He said finally, watching as Riho nodded and bustled down the hallway._

_Edo returned to his desk, removing a bottle from the small refrigerator beneath it. He placed it on a coaster and sat back in his chair, slumped small._

_He hadn’t heard from Judai since the incident with Mike at Duel Academia._

_It had been a long three months, avoiding public duels, cancelling interviews at the last minute, drinking more nights than he didn’t._

_He wondered if anybody else had been left in the aftershocks of the natural disaster that was Judai; more than a person, less than a god, and somehow, both at the same time, rain and sunshine in one person, hope and emptiness._

_Judai was to be his rival- if he still believed in destiny, their related decks proved that - and Judai had extinguished something in him, like a small child putting out a candle’s flame between two fingers, he had turned out the part of him that was okay with being manipulated, unchained him from the warped thinking that had been force fed into him over the course of years after his father’s murder._

_Judai Yuki was one of the only things in this world that reminded him that his heart wasn’t only beating, it was trying to fly, pounding it’s wings desperately against his ribcage, casting loud echoes throughout his empty chest cavity._

_They had spoken about Judai in the other world, shared thoughts without hesitation, like campfire legends told to young boy scouts. Whispered concerns for him and everyone he touched, quiet and shared awe for how completely oblivious to it all Judai had once been, questioning how it would change him if he were ever to realise and accept it fully._

_Edo thought that maybe Judai finally had. Maybe that was why he was here._

_He filled a shot glass with the gin, and stared through the liquid at the doorway._

 

_The door had opened slowly, with some hesitation._

_Judai walked into the room, a scarf tight around his neck, jacket with a fur-lined hood covering his hair, shadows beneath his tired eyes._

_He carried a backpack, wore holes in his jeans, as well as signs of wear, impending future tears._

_There was a large cut on his cheek, mostly healed, but still visible._

_“I didn’t think they would ever let me in. Your staff are way too protective.”_   
_Edo felt something in his chest rise; he hadn’t realised how much Judai meant to him._

_He’d still deny it if asked, but hearing his voice, seeing him here now, lowering his hood and removing the backpack as well as the jacket- he had missed him._

_“Yes, well, people aren’t always working under pure intentions.” Edo said, leaning against the arm of one of the sofas and folding his arms._

_Judai smiled at him. “You’re a little paranoid.”_

_Edo frowned. “I’m being safe.” he said, and watched as Judai shrugged and opened the top of his backpack, his insufferable ginger cat leaping from it._

_The beast pawed around his sofa for a few moments before curling up and immediately falling asleep, purring loudly._

_Judai smiled. “Pharaoh hasn’t had somewhere soft to sleep for awhile.” he said, rubbing the cat’s ears, he looked at Edo, “I needed to see you.”_

_His tone was serious, yet still light. Edo nodded, and took a seat properly, crossing his legs as Judai sat opposite him._

 

_“I’m guessing you don’t know that I saw Saio before graduation?” Judai asked, and Edo could feel his stomach twist, felt the anxiety well within him, warmth in his cheeks._


	4. iv

#  _六_

_Saio._

_They had… tried. They had made an effort of letting things be okay, after everything that had happened._

_Edo had lived with him for two weeks, lay awake at night and heard Saio sobbing in the next room each evening. He wanted to help him, wanted to tell him it would all be okay, but talking about it only caused more fights._

_Disagreements turning to arguments, turning to screaming fits._

_Edo hated screaming like a bratty child, yet he balled his fists and yelled at Saio to stop being this way and let him in._

_He’d come home from a duel after two weeks, to an empty flat and a note on the counter telling him that Saio was moving and wouldn’t return. He kept that note in his wallet at all times, hated him for it._

_Saio had been certain he didn’t deserve forgiveness, didn’t deserve Edo’s help in healing when he had drilled so many fault lines into Edo to begin with._

_Edo missed him so dearly, and yet, did as he was told, moved into his own apartment and pulled his broken pieces together, tied them with string._

_He put on a brave face and decided to stand for himself, without the protection of anyone else, without a father figure for the first time._

_He’d begun to think about his own father, think about the long walks they would take, the bedtime stories about the heroes that became his deck, music shared, scribbling drawings together._

_He thought about his father for the first time since his death, let himself cry for him, and scream at the world for taking him, curse out DD in his mind for killing him and getting away with it._

_He had started drinking, going to bars and letting all of his wounds soak in the alcohol in a hope to cleanse them, and then he had come in, wearing his ridiculous coat that was more like a vampire’s cloak, briefcase in hand, he’d dropped himself into a barstool on the other end of the bar, and ordered a drink, removing his coat and folding it onto the bar beside him._

_Edo looked at him through blurry eyes, bright light obscuring his vision slightly, he waited for Kaiser Ryo to notice him._

_And he did, raising his chin in a pseudo-nod, Edo returned the gesture._

_It felt so disgusting and frat-boyish that Edo stood up, going and claiming the seat beside him, “Hell Kaiser.”_

_The other man smirked at him. “Hello, Edo.”_

_He was wearing a soft navy blue t-shirt beneath his coat, and Edo looked at his arms. There was banding around his biceps, discoloured skin like an abused piece of fruit, dark patches that looked like cigarette burns._

_Edo wanted to touch them, but didn’t. He wore a matching mark on the opposite arm, and the hint of a similar burn laced around his throat._

_This is why you don’t fuck with underground duels, he thought._

 

_“You still use the shock transmitters?” he asked._

_Kaiser shrugged. “When I duel, I duel with consequence. I duel for victory.”_

_Edo snorted. “Okay then.” he drank from his cider._

_“What?”_

_Edo shrugged, “it’s nothing.”_

_Kaiser eyed him, fingers tracing the rim of his short glass, producing a distant ringing sound, “Then tell me.”_

_He sighed heavily, rested his cheek in his hand. “It’s just, you sound ridiculous. Like an emo kid trying to tell everyone that he’s ‘different’ from everyone else.” Edo raised his eyebrows. “It’s all so serious, so dramatic. Have you ever relaxed in your life?”_

_“That’s what I came here to do.”_

_Edo laughed. “Drinking alone on a thursday night isn’t relaxing. It’s depression.”_

_Kaiser was silent for a moment, he drank from his glass and then turned to him, “You’re here too, you know. And you can hardly talk about dramatic, you’re some albino Batman wannabe. You’re not even old enough to drink.” He muttered, and snatched the cider from Edo’s hand._

_Edo frowned, sat up. “There’s a difference between you and me.” He said, standing and smoothing out the fabric of his pants._

_Kaiser looked at him, raising both eyebrows. “And what’s that?”_

_Edo could swear that he was smiling in amusement. “When the shows over, bad guy’s defeated, or I win, I can go back to being a normal fucking person.” He muttered, dropping twenty dollars from his wallet onto the counter to pay his bill, and left the bar, climbing the stairs into the summer air._

_Kaiser had followed him, had grabbed him by his face and backed him to a wall, pressed his lips against Edo’s, kissed him so hard that Edo felt his hair knot against the brick._

_He kissed him back, let his fingers search around Kaiser’s throat to find his hair, he curled his fingers through it and pulled on it, hard._

_“Get off me,” he murmured against harsh lips, stubble against his jaw, he pulled Kaiser off of his face by his hair._

_They stared at one another, breathing heavily._

_Edo shoved Kaiser away and left quickly, not wanting to look at him any longer._

_He hadn't come here for this._

#  _七_

_“You saw Saio?” he asked Judai, swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat, netted cobwebs and dust._

_Judai nodded, his words careful, intentional. “He was… making bad choices again. For Mizuchi’s sake. They’re both safe now, I think that she’s going to take care of him.” He started. “But I wanted to make sure he hasn’t contacted you again.”_

_Edo looked at him with surprise. “Why?”_   
_“Because he’s not good for you. You care about him too much, and you might not be able to resist helping him, even if he’s trying to do bad again. You seemed like you were doing so much better when I saw you last- I don’t want him to interfere with that.”_

_Edo was struck with the realisation that somehow, he mattered to Judai. Mattered enough to visit, and camp out in his building, and demand to be seen, just for a check-in._

_He smiled softly. “Thank you, Judai. He hasn’t.” He murmured, and realised that the warmth he was feeling had tamed the anxiety stirred up at the mere mention of Saio’s name. He replayed what Judai had said in his head, and frowned. “Hold on- Did he hurt you?”_   
_Judai grinned and hooked his hands behind his head. “Nah, you know me. He tried to blow up the building I was in, but I got out okay.”_

_Edo raised his eyebrows. “He blew up a building?”_

_Judai shrugged. “Yeah. The main Kaiba Corp tower in Domino?”_   
_Edo stared. “Holy shit. I thought that was just… an after effect of the rest of the fuckery that happened. The earthquake, the darkness…”_

_Judai shook his head._

_“Holy shit. Kaiba hasn’t shut up about it since it happened.” He muttered, and Judai laughed before he paused._

 

_“Edo, I have to leave tonight.” He said._

_Edo frowned, “I was going to invite you out to dinner.”_

_Judai nodded. “I know, and I’d usually agree, but there are things I need to do. Pharaoh and I have places to go.” He stretched, scratching at the cut on his cheek. “We’re on a mission, I’m going to be travelling a lot. I’ll be out of contact for… awhile, Edo. And I need you to do something for me.”_

_Edo nodded, “of course.”_   
_“Can you make sure that everyone is okay? I can be the hero for the rest of the world, but not here at the same time. But you can take care of them- Manjoume, Asuka….” he paused and looked at his hands before continuing, “Johan-”_

_Edo nodded, cut him off, “I will. I’ll make sure everyone is fine.”_

_Judai sighed. “Thank you. They don’t understand- well, I think that Johan does, but the others. God, Sho never could. Manjoume is just going to be angry with me…”_

_“It’s okay, Judai. I’ll watch over them.”_

 

_Judai’s face flooded with relief, and he moved toward him, pulling him in for a hug._

_Edo let him hug him, brought his arms around him and held him closer._

_“Are you going to be alright, too?”_

_Judai nodded against his shoulder. “I might be home late, but I will come home. I have something I want to come back to.” He murmured. “I’m not one for unfinished business anymore.”_

_Edo smiled. “That’s an understatement, Judai.” He let go of the hug and looked at him, Judai was getting tall, his body lean yet able. “We’ll all be waiting. Let me know if you need anything.”_

_Judai smiled at him, his eyes gleaming, and clasped Edo’s hand, squeezing it tightly. “I will.”_


	5. v

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [ Art for this chapter, by me.](http://manicpixiedreampharaoh.tumblr.com/post/161762915817/manicpixiedreampharaoh-and-every-word-i-try-to)

  **八**

Edo thought about texting Ryo, seeing if he was free or wanted to… catch up, or something, but couldn’t.

He opened to his number on his phone and dragged the screen up and down, the number highlighted. He was saved under just his first name, had added himself that way, rather than explicitly giving him permission. If he lifted his finger, it would call him. He wouldn’t even have to do much. Just raise the phone to his ear and say hello.

It was ridiculous for him to be this afraid of speaking to a person he had shared a bed with for seven months, and yet… here he was.

Staring at a screen, afraid of 10 digits, of the three letters that made up his name above them.

He locked the screen and looked down at the water, thought about dropping the phone into it, letting Ryo’s number become fried electricity within useless plastic, less at his fingertips.

 

How had they gone from sleeping in the same sheets every night, huddling for warmth, and then for comfort, and then for affection, to no contact in over a year?

Edo had only seen him twice, since they returned.

Once, in the hospital, when Ryo was still recovering, and was drawn so heavily into sleep by the drugs that he hadn’t awakened when Edo finally worked up the nerve to grasp his shoulder, and the other time, at Manjoume’s first victory in the pro league.

 

He’d noticed the younger brother first. He’d had a growth spurt, wore a black coat like the one Edo had been shrouded in on the colder nights in the sunless place, and Edo felt a twinge of jealousy before Ryo had walked up behind him.

A hand placed on Manjoume’s shoulder, a few short words, a brief tension of his lips that they all knew to be The Kaiser’s Smile, pride welling easily in Manjoume despite the sweat that drew his clothing taut around his skin.

Edo watched from a distance, leaning against an amplifier and desperately trying to ground himself, he couldn’t tear his eyes from his ex lover (Could you even call them that?)

He watched as Ryo’s head raised slowly, their eyes meeting through the room, casting spotlights through the crowded room, other faces disappearing. Edo raised an eyebrow, tried to mouth words, but couldn’t dislodge his tensed jaw.

Ryo’s eyes hardened, and he nodded tersely, turning back to Manjoume, he murmured a few more words, before leaving the building with his pest of a brother squeaking after him before following at a trot.

Edo wanted to follow him, wanted to call out to him, but the weight of their life together in the other world hung between them. The mansion filled with vacated rooms while only one was ever used, cast in spotlights that he would need to pass through to reach him.

 

And so he did nothing.

What had happened was nothing, it was the past, the result of desperate circumstances, of loneliness and physical attraction and convenience, he tried to convince himself.

“That’s what it was to Ryo, at least.” he said aloud, quietly, standing and pulling his shoes back onto his damp feet, he picked up his phone and the box of cookies, as the device buzzed urgently in his hand.

He flinched, checked the ID.

Asuka 10Join.

Edo sighed in relief, or possibly disappointment, and answered.

 

“Don’t you have a cafe to run?” He asked, trying to force some kind of candour into his dry mouth.

“I’m on break. Listen- I’m putting you on speakerphone, okay?”

Edo frowned, “Wait-”

“Edo?” The first voice was Johan’s, his unmistakable accent, the crack to his still developing voice, Edo held a staring contest with a burl in the wood of the dock.

“Good morning, Johan.” He replied politely, aware of the clipped tone to his voice.

“Edo, listen. Are you still in the area? Did you want to, I don’t know, come back and do something once the store closes? We’re only open until 2 today, and we were all thinking-”

“Johan suggested it.” Edo’s stomach dropped, that voice had been Judai’s. He sounded good - better than good, he sounded happy.

“Yeah, Johan wanted to see if you’d like to have dinner and some drinks with us?”

Edo closed his eyes and took a deep breathe, felt his body react to the oxygen right away, angry at the deprivation.

“Just us?” He asked tentatively, and when it was affirmed he checked his watch.

It was 11am, he had time to prepare to be around people. “Then I’ll see you at two. I’ll bring the drinks, don’t worry about it.” He told them, and said goodbye with them, didn’t hang up until after they had.

The dread that filled him was so unwelcome that he felt like stuffing his pockets with rocks and diving into the river.

He stared at the water’s surface for a long moment before calling for a car to take him home, wondering when he had allowed his life to be completely derailed by the two most renowned prodigies of Duel Academia.

# 九

Edo lingered on the opposite corner from the cafe, he toyed with the lighter in his pocket, considered having a cigarette but would rather not have his friends question him smelling of tobacco. He looked at the watch on his wrist, it was exactly 2pm.

He was too on time. He thought about taking a walk; about dropping a call to his orphanage to check in on things, a conversation that would quickly turn into a long one.

He would be heading out there tomorrow, the one schedule of his week, his weekends belonged to the children who somehow saw him as the hero he’d wanted to be when he was fifteen and driven by goals far larger than himself.

He clicked on his phone background and smiled softly at the photo of himself with the little girl who adored him.

Lilja had dark eyes and dark hair, and the softest skin. She grinned up at him in the photo, holding his arms by the wrists so that he was bundled around her as they sat on a sled, her eyes bright and wild with excitement, her tiny green gloves gripping onto the knuckles of Edo’s hands on the steering rope.

He would have to take her to the beach in the summer, he could teach her to swim, and wakeboard if she was feeling up to the challenge.

“Edo?”

His head snapped upwards.

 

Sticking out of the frosted glass door was a head of fluffy bronze hair, layered colours dimmer than they had been at school, when he spent too much time relaxing in the grass or fishing by Edo’s boat so that it became sunbleached, but unmistakably him.

Judai’s face had matured slightly, and he didn’t quite smile at Edo now, as he took a step out and closed the door behind him.

He crossed the road without checking, moving toward him.

Edo felt a strange urge to back the fuck up, to turn and run.

He stood his ground instead, planted his feet and choked back his anxiety, locking his knees.

“You’ve grown.” Judai murmured, once he was standing in front of him.

Edo exhaled heavily and smiled, and it felt like his face had been setting clay, cracks tearing at everything he had carefully constructed, he was struck with the uncontrollable urge to collapse onto Judai, to hug him tightly into him, to laugh with him and make a joke about Judai owing him money, to tease him about being owed a duel.

He wished, with every piece of his soul, that he could be like any other friend.

But inexperience and self doubt overruled and he glanced at Judai, who had both filled out and rocketed upwards, who stood taller than him now, but was still lanky as ever.

“You too.”

Judai shrugged. “Thanks, I think. Johan is still taller than me.”

 

Edo nodded. “I was about to come in,” he said awkwardly, hated that it felt mechanical, that this conversation didn’t work, awkward sentences ending bluntly.

“Oh really? Looked like you were about to run away.” Judai smirked at him, turning to cross the road again.

Edo bit a smile back at that, and followed after Judai. “I don’t run from anything, you should know that.”

Judai’s head turned to look at him as he placed a hand on the door, pausing before he pushed it open, he smiled at him. Edo’s chest filled with… something. Judai made something inside of him ache.

“I thought I knew that. Glad to see it’s still true.” He said. “Edo, it’s really good to see you. I’m sorry I haven’t contacted you. It was shitty of me.”

Edo frowned slightly, went to object, but shut his mouth as Judai opened the door and they stepped inside.

He appreciated it, he really did. He knew Judai meant it, but he hated how vulnerable he was, how easily Judai knew he’d been hurt. Judai had a large amount of power over him in knowing this, and trusting him not to hurt him with that power was a terrifying reality Edo was still learning to face.


	6. vi

十

Edo went with Judai to the table, took his seat by Asuka’s side, and let her hug him, smiled kindly at Johan across the table.

Johan looked great. He was filling out, his shoulders broader, his jaw carried the faintest whisper of stubble, his hair grown out slightly, a few strands hanging over his shoulder. Johan was a very handsome person, Edo knew, turning his gaze to Judai who was holding his hand and leaning slightly into him.

Things seemed easy for them, like they didn’t quite need to discuss how to function together, they just trusted their instincts and made their moves. There was no hesitation between them.

Judai seemed more together than he had even when Edo had first met him, before death and horror had become laced through all of their lives.

He cracked open a bottle of cider and poured it into the glass in front of him, waiting while the others followed suit, he leant forward, rested his fingers on his own lips as he clinked his glass to the others.

“To reunion.” Asuka declared, and Judai echoed her words with a smile.

 

Edo drank deeply for his glass, his eyes sliding over to meet Judai’s when he realised he was staring.

He slowly placed the glass down. It was nearly half empty. Oops.

Judai’s eyes barely betrayed him, but Edo could still sense the concern.

“So Edo,” Judai began, his finger playing around the rim of his own, untouched drink. “What have you been up to?”   
Edo wanted to squirm, felt the crushing weight of how stagnant he had become rest upon him once again, he shrugged it off.

“Taking it easy, I’ve backed off from the pro leagues to give newcomers a shot. I help Manjoume to train, and I’ve been drawing.”

Johan leant forward, “drawing? What do you mean?”   
Edo looked at him, “ah- I’ve been, trying my hand at card design, actually.”

“Edo!” Asuka and Judai both leant forward enthusiastically and Edo actually squirmed in his seat now.

He hadn’t shared this with anyone yet- had nobody to show it to even if he’d wanted to.

He pulled his phone from his pocket and scrolled through his photos until he found some, opening his favourite- the one he had the most confidence in - and lay the phone on the centre of the table.

They took turns passing it around, Judai took it finally while the others complimented it.

Edo barely heard their words, waiting for Judai’s critique, he knew that his review would be most honest.

 

“I didn’t know you could draw like this, Edo.”

He grinned and shrugged. “Well I’m sure he’s nothing on Neos’ original design, but he’s something.” He took the phone back when Judai returned his smile.

“You should talk to Pegasus about finding work with him. He’d love someone of your skill and creativity.”

Edo sometimes forgot how casual of terms Judai and Johan had with Pegasus. It wasn’t as though he didn’t have his own connections, Pegasus liked to consider himself a father figure to Edo, much to his disdain, but Judai knew everyone in a different way.

Edo wondered if Judai was in contact with Kaiba. It would be strange if he wasn’t, he reasoned.

The idea made Edo want to smile. Judai would drive Kaiba up a wall, he was sure of it.

 

“Maybe I will when I see him next.” Edo said, reaching for a small tart topped with berries in the centre of the table.

He popped it into his mouth, as Judai shared a glance with Johan and spoke.

“Have you heard from Kaiser lately?”

Edo’s blood ran cold, his skin stiffening. He felt the hairs on his arms raise and forced himself to chew and swallow calmly. He brushed his lower lip with his thumb and let his hand linger there as he replied, “not really, no.”

Judai was leaning halfway across the table, his eyes slanted as he rested his chin in his palms.

“I saw him about three days ago. We duelled. He’s still single.”  
Edo closed his eyes and turned his chin away. “Good for him. He works well on his own.”

“Far better with a close teammate, really. You guys kicked ass together.” He could hear the shit-eating grin on Judai’s face.

“Judai-” Asuka’s voice was hesitant, warning.   
“What?” Judai responded, “I’m just telling the truth. Everyone knows that Kaiser is in a rut right now. Fubuki is the only person who can even get him to crack a smile.”

“That’s hardly new.”

“You made him smile, Judai.”

Edo turned back, looking at Asuka.

“You’re right. He’s a grumpy fuck. He was never one for smiling a lot. I don’t really want-” he cut himself off. He didn’t want to say that he didn’t want to speak about Kaiser, because he did. He wanted to hear about him, and cutting it off would only draw attention to that, “I don’t want you labouring under some delusion that during the time I was hanging around him, he was all sunshine and rainbows.” He finished.

Johan had lain a hand on Judai’s arm, his lips by Judai’s ear as he murmured something that made Judai smile and turn his face to kiss his head.

Johan stood, “I have to head upstairs for a moment. I’ll be back.” His fingers dragged through Judai’s hair lightly before he left.

 

Edo watched his retreating back with suspicion. “If he’s calling Ryo-”

“He isn’t. Johan wouldn’t do that.” Judai murmured. “But good idea.”

Edo shot him a glare, and narrowed his eyes further when Judai chuckled easily, raising his hands in submission.

“I won’t. Scouts honor.”

Edo pursed his lips and pulled the tray of cakes closer, inspecting the variety. “You were never in the scouts.” he muttered childishly.

He picked up a few of the miniature baked goods and balanced them in the palm of one hand, shifting the others around the rectangular plate, he arranged them neatly, lining up those more based in candy - chocolate frosting, caramel sweets, sprinkles, glazed miniature cupcakes - before he added the ones in his hand back to the plate, berries grouped together and ordered.

He carefully replaced the final chocolate truffle and glanced up.

Judai and Asuka were both staring at him.

 

“You good, Edo?” Asuka asked him gently, and Edo nodded.

“Sorry- I, uh…” he trailed off as Johan returned, climbing back to his place beside Judai, who brought their hands together once more. “So how is business here?” he asked, desperate to draw the attention away from himself.

Asuka begun to explain the cafe and how it ran, how sales had been doing, and Edo listened politely, trying to force himself to be present, to connect.


	7. vii

 

十一

The evening melted by sweetly, it grew easier, more routine than Edo knew was possible, as time went on.

A few empty bottles in front of each of them, Judai almost draped across Johan’s lap now so that he could see the cards in his hand, while Asuka duelled him atop the table.

Edo laughed along with them, leaning in and whispering advice to Asuka, he cheered loudly over the sound of Judai’s outraged cry as she successfully took down Sapphire Pegasus with a Cyber Blader combination.

Johan shot back some competitive remark tinted with respect, as he begun to implement his comeback strategy, Edo glanced at the watch on his wrist.

It was almost one am.   
Edo had been here for almost twelve hours, and he’d been having fun.

He didn’t think he’d ever had an evening that felt like this, and while the crushing pressure of holding conversations and awkward questions was present and cropped up all too often, the pleasantness outweighed it.

The easy back and forth he could carry with Johan, groaning at Judai’s jokes, chatting with Asuka, praising how far Manjoume had come in the pro leagues.

He felt so damn happy all of a sudden, the way their conversation went around simple tracks, falling into new sentences, rarely an awkward tension.

Edo was sure he was almost crying, he felt so damn happy.

He wondered if this was how other kids did it, how the other kids at Duel Academy had seemed to always have the power to get through their days, to run at full speed.

He felt as though he’d always been running on empty, and now he had given his engine a moment to fill, to relax and gain strength.

He was damn sure he could run a marathon now.

 

“I have to go.” He let the table know, gathering his phone and wallet - they had been betting on the duel. He knew Johan would win, left the money there - and smiled, “We should do this again. This was… this was the nicest night i’ve had in-” he paused, glanced around the cafe, ever, he thought, “in a long time. Thank you.”

He meant it sincerely, and hoped that it came through in his tone, the warmth that he was feeling so foreign and new and exciting that he hoped everyone here felt it with him too. He hoped that he wouldn’t leave this place and never return to the easy games and sweet liquor and kind jokes, hoped that he would be granted back sometime soon.

He wasn’t confident enough in himself to believe he would, but he thought it might be possible.

He hoped, anyway.

 

Judai stood, stepping past Johan. “I’ll walk you out,” he suggested, ducking down and kissing Johan for ‘luck’, Johan’s neck craning as he kept his eyes on the cards in his hand while kissing him back.

Edo smiled at Judai, tossed the ends of his scarf around his neck and zipped his coat. “It was lovely to see you again, Johan.”   
Johan actually glanced up for him, smiled at him so warmly that it made Edo’s chest jolt. “You too! I’ll see you again soon!”

Edo nodded and turned with Judai, walking into the cold street.

 

The wind was rough, he could hear it screaming in his ears, snowflakes burning into his cheeks, but Edo was warmed from the inside and so he barely felt it.

He fired a message for his car to come, and glanced at Judai, who definitely was not wearing enough clothing in the biting wind.

He frowned. “Aren’t you cold?” he asked, looking with blatant disapproval at Judai’s jeans and thin sweater.

Judai shrugged. “My hands are, a little.” He slid them under the hem of his shirt and balled them in the fabric, exposing a tiny slice of his stomach.

Edo sighed heavily. “Don’t be stupid.” He reached for his wrists, pulling them towards him, he used his fingers to tug the sleeve of his own thickly woollen sweater down his hands. He used his right hand to slide Judai’s into his sleeve, gripping his wrist with the left.

Judai grinned and did the same action with his other hand, his icy fingers lacing around Edo’s wrist.

Edo felt like he was caught in one of those chinese finger traps, eyed Judai grumpily and tried to maintain a scowl while Judai beamed.

“This is kinda gay.” Judai whispered after a moment of prolonged silence, and Edo let his head fall heavily, his chin dropping onto his chest.

“You are insufferable.” He muttered in a whiny tone, well aware of how full his warm cheeks felt as he smiled.

 

“Hey Edo?” Judai asked, and Edo met his gaze, recognised the seriousness in the warm brown eyes. He thought about how different Judai had been the last time they had looked at one another this much, that day in his office, when Judai asked him to care for everyone.

Judai had grown so much, he’d matured and gained another layer of complexity to him that Edo couldn’t quite define, and yet he was so goddamned happy.

He was lighter, as though he was able to separate things, able to be comfortable now.

Edo knew it had to be Johan’s influence, but he wanted to know about Judai’s travels.

The Judai who had come to his office had seemed so very weary, and so very sad.

Edo wondered how he’d come back, if he’d returned still laden with exhaustion, or if travelling had solved his problem.

“Yeah?”

Judai’s grip tightened slightly. “I really am sorry I didn’t come and see you. It was shitty of me. You’re important to me and I was being selfish. I hope that we can see each other more regularly now, I want to spend time together.”

Edo felt the emotions crawl up his throat, scratching at his nasal canal as they sunk their claws into his eyes, he felt his face grow tight as his body threatened tears.

“Thank you, Judai,” he murmured. “I appreciate it.”

Judai looked at him with serious eyes, and Edo blinked as the colour changed, green and red shining at him, the kind of gaze that he knew could see into his soul.

It was like when Saio had turned his violet, unseeing stare on him.

He gulped, held Judai’s gaze.

 

Judai’s lips turned downwards, an ugly and confused scowl that Edo didn’t recognise, it didn’t fit on his face, and his- the eyes remained relatively blank as they studied him.

The lips parted and Judai sucked in a sharp breath, Edo could feel his hands clench harder around his wrists, Judai’s eyes cleared before he closed them.

The other boy took a half-staggered step toward him and fell into his chest, his forehead pressed against Edo’s collarbone, he frowned.

“Judai-”  
“I’m okay. Just give me a second.”

Judai’s voice was muffled against Edo’s chest, his breath hot. Edo wanted to comfort him but had no idea what was going on.

 

His entire body was pleading to turn heel and run as far as possible from the creature with those eyes, base human instinct knew danger when it was present, recognised the supernatural, the displacement of a creature not made for this world, and it wanted out, craved safety. His skin crawled, but this was Judai, Judai who he trusted and who had held him in this world until he was able to fight for himself. He would not leave him now.

Edo closed his own eyes and let his chin rest on the other boy’s head, rubbed his thumbs against his wrists.

“Do you want me to get Johan?” He asked softly, trying to restart the motors in his head so that he could function again, the fear had shot him like a tranquilizer.

Judai was silent for so long, and so still, that Edo thought about carrying him back inside. Judai felt so limp, dead weight.

“No, I’m okay. Sorry- Edo, it’s... A long story.” Judai raised his head and stepped away from Edo, still holding onto his wrists, he let his hands slip as he pulled them back. His voice was shaking.

Edo shook his head and caught them, hooking his fingertips around Judai’s.

 

“If you want to- talk about whatever the hell that was, I’ll listen. If you don’t want to, that’s okay. I’m just- you’re okay? Not gonna try to destroy the world via satellite?” He tried to joke, but it fell flat, his own mouth drying as guilt rolled through him for making light of his own trauma, and Judai’s eyes widening, as Edo assumed he recalled the Haou incident all too clearly.

“I’ll explain it some other time. Not now, but basically it just… gets a little cramped in here sometimes.” Judai reclaimed one of his own hands and tapped his temple with it. Edo nodded slowly, he had heard talk… and it would certainly explain a lot.   
Edo opened his mouth to tell Judai he understood, when the car pulled up beside them, sending a small flurry of snow flying, ice crushing beneath the tires.

“Next time?” Judai asked him, squeezing his hand before finally letting go.

Edo nodded. “Next time,” he parroted, and looked at Judai’s shoulders, thought about wrapping his arms around them and hugging him.

Judai took a step towards him, arms flung around his waist, he embraced Edo for a long moment, before letting go and heading inside without another word.

Edo slowly shook his head before climbing into his town car, the heat welcomed against his frosty cheeks, he shrugged out of his coat and sweater, folding them neatly by his side, he rested his shoulders back into the soft seats and let the warmth and sounds of the car comfort him.

He was glad he never told Judai he understood, because he didn’t. He couldn’t. But that didn’t make it any more necessary for Judai to be alone.


	8. viii

 

十二

Johan groaned softly and stirred when Judai’s hand gently shook his shoulder.

“I wasn’t sleepin’.” He mumbled unconvincingly, stretching his cheeks with his hands as he rubbed his face through a yawn.

He opened his eyes to Judai’s face, smiled softly at him, and then felt his own lazy smile fade as he noticed the tension there.

Judai’s lips were bitten shut, his eyes strained. Johan woke almost immediately, standing up and touching his partner’s cheek.

Judai closed his eyes and leant into the touch. Johan could feel how much weight he was letting rest, as though he was struggling to hold himself up.

“Let’s go upstairs.” He murmured, rising onto his toes and pulling Judai’s head to rest against his collarbone for a moment.

“Carry me.” Judai mumbled against his skin, his lips like velvet against the tender flesh.

Johan laughed softly. “I don’t think i’ve been capable of that since high school.” He blew a puff of air at Judai’s hair, causing a handful of it to puff up and suspend awkwardly above his head. “So unless you wanna get Neos to help us out, I think we’re going to have to conquer the stairs the human way.”

Judai grumbled. “The human way is stupid. Why did you buy a stupid apartment with stupid stairs.”

Johan patted his head affectionately. “You love our place, don’t be rude.”

“Do not.” Judai mumbled and pulled Johan by the hand towards the stairs.

 

Johan was always so tired these days.

Since the surgery, he’d been fatigued, recovering and regaining energy, the hot discomfort of his entire torso had only left him recently and his body beginning to feel like his own finally.

He hadn’t felt particularly comfortable in it since he was forcibly removed from it for months.

He still wasn’t certain of how much time he spent inside Rainbow Dragon, but he would always remember how jarring the return was.

 

In the moment, when the excitement of the destruction, and the concern and faith in Judai had been more important, he hadn’t thought of it, but the moment there was a pause, after returning to their world, the moment silence hit, he had broken down.

He had become so still, the nurse pausing in her examination to turn and shuffle through a nearby drawer, his eyes had glazed as it all set in.

His skin. This wasn’t his skin. This was their skin. This skin knew them now, was used to moving with their intent.

He raised one hand in front of his face, saw three there instead, transparent and moving on their own, he curled his fingers down and back up, swore he could see talons growing from the tips, sharp, strong claws.

He would later come to realise that his nails were significantly longer and sharper than usual anyway. Maybe… they had missed their claws and tried to imitate it.

He stared through his hand, not seeing his own skin anymore, instead an inky purple crept beneath the surface, moving bumps just beneath the first layers and shooting down his wrist. He could hear his own breathing quicken as it came to his chest, burrowing deeper into his breastbone. He cried out.

His bones felt like ice, the skin wasn’t his, there were beetles inside of his chest cavity.

He hit the floor before he knew he was falling, knees crunching as they collided with hard linoleum.   
He barely felt it, brought his hands to his head and furiously drove them into the roots of his hair, gripping firmly and yanking on it.

The ends felt thick; choppy and uneven.

They had cut his hair.

Johan could tell that his entire body was shaking, could feel a dry ache creep up his throat and realised that he was screaming.

He let himself fall onto his hands, then onto his elbows once the wetness in his hands couldn’t support him anymore.

He screamed and sobbed and when he felt hands grabbing him by the shoulders, he ducked backwards and twisted so he was sitting, kicking out at the person trying to hold him.

He was still screaming, he couldn’t stop, couldn’t stop leafing one hand aggressively through his hair and pulling on it, _pulling pulling pulling he could feel it coming loose from his scalp he wanted to pull it out of his flesh, wanted to tear out the blank spaces in his mind with the hair._

# 十三

 

_This wasn’t his body. This wasn’t him. This was not his home anymore._

_In the following months, he thought about shaving his head, thought about finding somewhere and covering his skin in tattoos, thought about taking some kind of drastic measure to alter his skin beyond recognition._

_He was never sure what was stopping him, and it was two weeks after returning, when he received a call that lit up the screen of his phone with a name that made his heart stop, that he realised._

_Scissors in one hand, fingers clenched tightly around the bone handles, he stared at Judai’s name._

_He swallowed and exhaled shakily, answering._

_He hadn’t heard a thing, had… been told what everyone else had._

_That Judai was dead._

_He hadn’t believed it, but he hadn’t imagined any alternative, either._

_He closed his eyes and placed the device to his ear._

_“Johan?”_

_Something inside of his chest rushed back into him like an all-too welcome assault._

_“Did you- want your cards back?”_

_Johan felt a weary smile play on his mouth, a forgotten memory, muscles that had long gone without this action._

_He wondered if they had ever smiled with his lips._

_“I’ll send you an address.” He said softly._

 

_They had played somewhat of a game, for awhile._

_Speaking as though nothing happened, however daily texts Johan would send his way eventually went unreturned, and he knew that it wasn’t Judai rejecting him, but rather Judai retreating into himself._   
_It had taken a week of the distance between them slowly becoming real, Johan thinking about it every moment, despite himself, for things to reach breaking point._

_It was maddening, catching himself staring into space wondering if Judai was thinking of him, wondering if Judai was busy, and so he took action._

_It was eight pm on a Tuesday. 1pm for Judai, he would be skipping history right now._

_Johan paused with his finger on his phone screen, wondering if they ever replaced the history teacher who had tormented Judai’s thoughts that day._

_He sighed, knew that he was stalling. He scrolled to Judai’s number and hit call._

 

_“Johan?”_

_“Yeah. Hey.”_

_“....Hello.”_

_“Are you okay?”_

_Silence._

_The sound of a foot dragging on the floor._

_“Judai?”_

_“Yeah?”_

_“....What are you doing?”_

_Silence again._

_Johan sighed, “Judai-”_

_“Nothing. I’m just sitting in bed. It’s kinda cold today.”_

_Johan bit his lip and looked at his reflection in the wardrobe doors._

_“You didn’t answer the question.”_

_Judai’s laugh was so sad and surprised that it ached._

_“No. I’m- I’m not okay.”_

_Johan exhaled heavily, laughing softly with relief, his shoulders shaking._

_He felt his eyes begin to sting as tears pricked at them, holding his phone to his chest._

_He cleared his throat and wiped at them, putting the phone to his ear once more._

_“Are you safe?”_

_“I- Yes. Yeah. I’m safe.”_

_Johan frowned._

_“You sure about that?”_

_“Yeah.”_

_Johan bit his lip, ran his hand through his hair that had grown long, it curled near his collarbones now as he stared at his reflection._

_“Judai, what happened? After you went off to duel Yubel.”_

_The silence hung heavily over the line._

_“I would ask this in person if I could, but there’s the slight problem of the entirety of Europe and Asia between us. Judai, I can’t see your expression so I need you to give me something to work with here.”_   
_“Sorry, I was just thinking-”_

_He paused, before starting again._

_“Are you okay talking about Yubel?”_

_Johan smiled faintly. “I’m fine.”_

 

_Judai paused for a moment longer._

_“We duelled, and we talked. And- Johan, I did it. I caused it all. They just- they just thought they loved me and I wasn’t showing it back and I hurt them. So- They were going to use super poly, and I took control of the units fused and-”_

_Johan frowned. Judai was silent for a long time._

_“You… fused yourself? With Yubel?” He replied, not expecting it to be whisper, though it was barely that._

_“Yeah.”_

_Johan stared at his reflection blankly, thought about Judai._

_Tried to imagine him with Yubel’s golden eyes, the cruel smirk._

_“What does that mean? Are they… there? Can they hear me?”_

_“It’s… complicated. I think they can hear and see everything, but more… through my thoughts, than my eyes? I’m not sure. It’s- hard to think about things.”_

_“So they’re just… living in you. But not controlling you?”_

_“Yeah. I think that’s it. They can talk to me, too. But I’m not letting them right now.”_

_Johan was quiet._

_“Please be careful, Judai. You don’t need this.”_

_“Yeah, but I deserve it.”_

_Johan sighed softly, “you really, really don’t.”_

_They sat in silence for some time._

_Johan thought about how it had felt to return to his body after knowing somebody else was in it. He wondered how it felt to actively share that space._

_He had memories of Yubel’s time in his body, half-cast memories of the flesh._

_Judai was deserving of nothing but healing and care, and Johan could remember the hot, protective aggression Yubel had felt towards him, had heard some of the things they had said to and about him._

_There was no way Yubel living within Judai could be healthy, or a good decision on Judai’s part._

_He thought about what Sho had said, that Judai was ‘going away to become a man.’_

_He had pulled Sho aside and asked if he’d said anything else, felt his stomach turn when he heard Judai had said he didn’t mind if it killed him._

_“Judai?”_

_“Mm?”_   
_“You don’t deserve to suffer. You’re kind and damaged and you need time. I’m worried this is a step in a bad direction for you.”_

_He heard Judai sigh softly._

_“I’ll be okay. I’ll do my best.”_   
_Johan didn’t quite believe him._


	9. ix

十四

He’d begun to improve himself purely because he wanted that for Judai.

He knew that he couldn’t expect Judai to heal and improve while he let himself rot, let the beetles eat him away from the inside.

He cut his hair, he began to go for runs again, he started to sleep more steadily.

He visited a doctor’s office and spoke with them about transitioning, began to seek therapy to help him cope, started a dose of testosterone.

He studied harder than usual, aimed for a college course at a Japanese university, he wanted to study philosophy while on the duel circuit.

 

Once he had graduated from the course, he moved from his shared dorm with Asuka and purchased the apartment, and the empty space beneath it with the money his grandmother had left him.

He gave Asuka the keys and told her that he couldn’t live without her coffee every day, and they had worked together to decorate and launch the cafe.

He’d booked his top surgery on opening day, was given a waiting period of nine months.

Those nine months had been gruelling, and he used the time to throw himself into exercise.

They’d hired Manjoume to help out - he didn’t want to live off of his family money - and Johan had spent most of his days at the gym, dragging himself home in the evenings and watching movies with Asuka.

He holed up, became rather domesticated, avoided the circuits for the last few months.

Judai had come home a few months later, and things had gone from there.

They’d needed very little time to put back the pieces of their relationship, starting again with a newfound acceptance, more comfortable with one another than ever.

Judai was living with him after that first night, though it took them a month to realise they should probably call it official.

Judai had slept, snoring with his head in his lap while Johan recovered from the surgery, waiting on him hand and foot, helping him to shower, insisting that Johan didn’t need to get up and that Judai could put his socks on for him.

There had been a few times, where Johan was so cold through the winter that Judai had offered to make Amethyst solid, to let her curl up beside him and share body heat since Judai’s ability to hold him - with arms and too many bones and movements - left a lot of potential for him to accidentally hurt him, and it had taken all of Johan’s willpower to refuse.

It seemed like an abuse of power, somehow.

十五

It had been three months since the surgery, now, and Johan was only just beginning to manage the entire day without napping.

Once they were inside their apartment, Johan locked the door behind him, turning to find Judai standing against him, his arms moving to trap him against the door, his lithe body rising up and staring holes through him with need.

Johan licked his lips and smiled at him, “hi.”

“Hey.” Judai responded, pressing their lips together, and Johan let him, closed his eyes and pretended this could be the end of their happy night, that the cider buzzing on both of their lips and the smell from the extinguished candles that rose between the floorboards and laced around their ankles could keep them warm while they moved their bodies together through the low-light cast in by the streetlight outside.

He let them have the moment, because he knew how important these moments were, and in the end, moments were all they had.

He slid his hands under Judai’s coat and down his arms to shed him of his coat, let his hands explore his skin, feeling the familiar scars in places he knew like they were the map to Judai’s body, tucked his fingers into the grooves of his shoulders and felt Judai’s warm breath on his.

He drew away and removed his shoes and sweater, turning back to Judai.

He gulped once more, he knew he had to ruin the evening in the interest of helping them both to heal.

He wrapped his fingers around the shard of amethyst that hung from a leather cord around his neck, squeezing it tightly until it was no longer cold, he boiled the kettle and slid down to sit on the floor, his back propped against the counter.

He picked at the peeling nail polish on his left hand until he felt Judai sit down near him, looking up and smiling at him sadly.

Judai’s face was stained, his cheeks pale, and his eyes were concerned and fidgety all at once.

It was as if he couldn’t sit still even if you tied him down, and yet he was making himself for Johan.

Johan leant forward, took his face in his hands and kissed him softly, then gently pulled back, holding their foreheads together. He could feel Judai’s cheek against his own, nuzzling his nose into him.

There were certain feelings that he knew Judai struggled with and that he himself didn’t quite have the words for, and so there was touch, there was loving one another through motion or sound or senses, through gestures and actions.

 

“What happened?” He finally asked, his voice a hushed whisper, lips popping softly as he spoke.

The question wasn’t exactly literal, not if Judai didn’t want it to be. He didn’t have to talk about it, or about anything, he could tell Johan if he was okay or if he wasn’t, or he could talk about what he and Edo had discussed. He didn’t need to tell Johan what was troubling him if he didn’t want to, or wasn’t ready, but Johan wanted to make sure that he knew he could.

That when the time came that he wanted to, Johan was there, and he would continue to remind him of that until Judai could remember for himself.

This time, Judai let his body shift down, folding and curling until his head rested on Johan’s lap, looking up at him as though he were star-gazing.

Judai reached over and took one of Johan’s hands, dropping it palm first onto his own forehead, he curled up his lips to try to touch the tip of a finger that reached the lowest.

Johan grinned and watched him, angling his wrist to avoid being caught.

When Judai eventually caught him, both hands wrapped around Johan’s wrist to steady his hand, grinning proudly as his tongue extended to touch his fingertip, he used his free hand to brush Judai’s bangs from his forehead, planting a kiss there once Judai released him.

“What did you think about Edo?” Judai asked, his eyelids fluttering closed as his head burrowed deeper into Johan’s lap.

Johan knew what he meant, bit his lip.

“I think he misses you a lot.”

Judai stayed quiet, lying so still that he could have been meditating.

“I think he’s happy for you but he’s kinda jealous. But he seems like he’s okay? I don’t know him like you do.”

Johan combed his fingers through Judai’s hair quietly, studying his face, the tiny scars that were barely visible anymore.

When they had met, Judai’s skin was so clear, free of any scars, and they’d discussed that. Judai impressed with his own ability to avoid long-lasting damage, aside from the stitches in the back of his head from an accident he barely recalled as a child, he was flawless.

Now, tiny scars littered most of his body.

His hands held the worst of it, which he knew was a large part of the reason Judai didn’t duel in the leagues unless it was for a special event.

While he didn’t carry an official title, he was known, his name still carried weight and mythology that attracted duelists.

He could have been an extremely successful pro, but being so impossible to track down only added to the allure, to the kick Johan saw blazing in children’s eyes when they duelled him.

 

His hands carried weight beyond their years, a few crooked fingers from broken bones, scars that nicked the sides of his palm, charred skin on his left palm.

The hands were something Johan understood, he could figure out where most of that had come from, but the rest… he had no idea.

He knew that they had to have happened during Judai’s travels, but they seemed excessive for it.

He wanted to know, but also thought he might not want to know.

So he traced the skin as if they weren’t there, and tried to help prevent any new fault lines from forming.

 

“I missed Edo.”

Johan smiled faintly. “Were you guys close?”

Judai shrugged, made an uncertain noise. “You know how I am. You’ve seen how he is. We were and we weren’t.”

Johan nodded, still tracing lines into Judai’s skin, tiny circles beneath his cheekbones. “You should see him more often.” He told him, thinking about how little Judai saw of other people.

They spent all of their days together, Johan left the apartment for duels and interviews and the gym, and Judai caught up with Yugi every two weeks.

 

He knew Judai left in the night sometimes - woke up when the bed shifted with his weight, cuddled in closer and felt Judai’s cold skin against his own - and he just found himself wishing Judai had something to do during the days to get him out of the apartment.

Judai told him he was comfortable, that going out meant running into people he knew and was avoiding, that he was content to stay in the apartment with music playing, mostly napping.

But Johan knew him better than that. Judai didn’t sit still, and he hoped that he would be okay.

 

“I will.” Judai said decisively, before sitting up suddenly, his legs extending then folding beneath him, he rolled forward onto his knees and caught Johan’s face, his fingers hooking around his ears as he pressed kisses onto his mouth.

Johan didn’t return the affection, let Judai kiss him until he stopped, his hands slipping down his throat, curling around the back of his neck instead.

Johan opened his eyes and looked at him, looked at the startled brown irises before him.

“Can you- tell me what’s going on with you? You’re a wreck.”

He watched the moment of uncertainty pass over Judai’s features, his face so soft, Johan knew that he wasn’t like this with other people anymore.

 

He’d spoken to Asuka about how Judai had been in their senior year, about the way his face carried smirks and scowls, all arched eyebrows and pursed lips. She’d told him about the way his eyes would change,the way his presence felt like a dark shadow to them all.

Johan hadn’t seen it. Not like that, at least.   
When they had duelled by the docks, he had noticed the change, how sharp Judai was, how viciously he fought against him when he thought he was somebody else.

But he had also seen the way he fell to pieces, as though that entire facade was just a glass that had been hastily taped back together, and the moment he had realised it was Johan he was duelling, the tape had fallen to pieces, fragments of glass becoming smaller and more plentiful. He had rushed to his side and scooped the broken pieces into his arms, held them tightly and helped to collect them.

Judai’s sharp edges had never cut his skin, and he didn’t think they ever would.


	10. x

十六

Johan had never done anything to warrant being something that could change Judai. He had never acted in any way that was deserving of being the thing to receive kindness and a different persona from the boy everyone adored, yet somehow he did.

Somehow, he had never feared Judai like all of the others, and it had taken some time before he had realised it wasn’t Judai, it was them.

When they had all organised a party for his return, when Sho had handed him a bowl of fried shrimp and called him aniki, when Judai’s eyes settled into that blank, unfeeling smile that was so foreign to Johan but he was sure they were used to, when Asuka made an uncomfortable comment about Judai never noticing she was flirting throughout their schooling (Judai wasn’t oblivious. Of course he’d noticed, he had done everything he could do ignore it.)

It hadn’t taken very long for Judai to claim exhaustion and retire to their bedroom with a comment a little too sharp, bordering on being rude.

Johan had lingered long enough to thank them for coming and ask them to leave, make a hasty excuse for Judai’s hostility, and then followed his partner into the bedroom.

He crawled onto the sheets that covered Judai, his face hooded by them as he lay on his side, and let his weight entirely drop onto Judai’s body.

He poked at the area he guessed Judai’s face would be, and loudly nuzzled kisses into it, the blanket separating them, he didn’t stop until he felt Judai’s body relax under him, a hand emerging to swat at his head, Johan caught it and brought it to his lips.

 

“Your friends kinda suck, you know.” Johan murmured, snuggling closer into him, he could feel Judai’s breathing steady.

It was far too long of a pause before Judai tried to defend them. “They don't. I was really-”

“Stop it.” He frowned, closing his eyes. “They never tried to help you. They fucking suck and I’m so goddamn sorry nobody was there for you.” Johan felt bitterness creeping through his face, felt tears pull at his own eyes, hated that in his head, this was about himself, about having to teach himself what friends and family meant, about having to build them for himself, about having to do everything for himself.

Judai shifted beneath him and he looked up as his head emerged from the covers.

“You helped me, Johan.” He said slowly. “If you hadn’t shown up when you did… If you hadn’t fought for me.”

He didn’t continue the sentence. He didn’t need to. Johan thought about the darkness.

He thought about the darkness a lot, about the darkness that was Judai, about the darkness that was Yubel, about the darkness that lived in Fujiwara and Fubuki.

He was never afraid of the dark, embraced it as deeply as he embraced Judai, but darkness was just like everything else. A combination of good and bad, unable to be confined to simple terms.

He said nothing in response, simply lifted Judai’s fingers to his lips and kissed them, let his love for the gentle darkness radiate through them both in the bed that night.

 

Sometimes Judai seemed to contain the entire world within him, and Johan wasn’t sure it would ever be something he could comprehend, or that he really wanted to.

He would settle for their quiet life together, for sharing space and concerns and kisses in the low light, for holding hands until their fingerprints distorted one another's into mirrored images.

Sometimes he thought that if they pressed their bones together long enough,tightly enough, they would become imprinted with a stamp of the other’s, and even when their bones lived beneath the earth, slowly decaying back into stardust, if someone were to dig them up, they would reek of one another, their love carrying through even beyond their human lifespan.

 

Now, he looked into Judai’s eyes and saw the soft and quiet fear, the rare moments of complete vulnerability there, his eyes washed out and pale. He caught his jaw in a soft hand and kissed him gently.

He didn’t interrupt, or assume an answer from Judai. He didn’t want to shut him down, so he kept his lips sealed and stood, helping Judai to his feet and leading him to the bedroom.

They curled beneath the covers together, Johan’s arms looped around Judai’s waist as the warmth seemed to steam between their bodies. Johan freed them both of their shirts and shifted to remove his own jeans, before lying back down, head cradled in Judai’s lap.

He took one of his hands and played with it again in silence while he waited for Judai to speak.

Johan had almost fallen asleep when he finally did, holding the hand to his heart, eyes closed, listening to the sound of Judai’s breathing.

“Yubel- showed up.”

 

Johan stilled, his eyes flicking open suddenly. His throat seized like a hand was clamping around it. “Oh?”

Judai swallowed. “Yeah. They- Edo and I were talking and, they aren’t used to me… feeling so much. I was apologising for being out of touch with him and we were kind of hugging and they wanted to see what all the fuss was about.” Judai’s eyes were fixed on a spot on the wall. Johan snuggled closer to him and hugged his waist. “They didn’t do anything but- they’re used to you. Yubel only… becomes present when I'm in danger, usually. Adrenaline and all of that makes it feel different. Edo saw the eyes.”

Johan lay quietly in his lap, let his eyes fall to focus on a wall spot of his own, his vision blurring as his mind wandered. He would never know how it felt to share his body with another soul, had never been present when Yubel was.

He wondered if Judai spoke with Yugi about this, he had to be the only other person they knew who had become a shared body. Even if his situation was immensely different.

It had taken so long before Johan had encountered Yubel’s presence in Judai’s body. When Rainbow Dragon had been taken… when Judai had launched full speed into his day, full of energy and power, vowing to retrieve the card. He’d offered a hand and pulled Johan onto a rooftop with him, and Johan had asked if he could come along on the adventure, could feel the osmosis effect of the energy that radiated from him, as well as the attraction, wanting to pin their bodies together and fight for a common goal like they had before.

Judai had flat out refused him. He’d told him no and kissed his cheek and left before he could argue back, eyes glowing different colours and power seeming to radiate from his skin.

He hadn’t even returned Rainbow Dragon in person, leaving it by his side while Johan slept, placed on his pillow alongside a note apologising.

He’d thought that maybe he’d never be with Judai for real again. He was trying to disappear and he was perfectly capable of it.

 

There was so much he wanted to ask him about now, so much that he wished he could know; if Yubel ever spoke for him, if Yubel spoke to him, how Yubel felt about him.

Some selfish urge in him wanted to know if Yubel somehow missed his body.

“Was Edo okay?” He said finally, realising he had been quiet for some time, his hand still resting over Judai’s on his chest.

He didn’t ask Judai about Yubel. He didn’t ask Judai about the nights he woke to see him climbing out their window, didn’t ask about the way he had tried to initiate sex when he was very clearly not in his right mind.

He didn’t ask Judai if he was okay.

Sometimes, the questions needed answering but it wasn’t the right time to ask.

Other times, the question was better left unasked, and the dichotomy of the two, the knowledge of just how that weight was balanced, was what made their relationship work.

It wasn’t having the right words, or knowing the correct reaction, it was knowing when to ask questions or push, and knowing when to be silent, to be present and warm and comforting, without forcing their way into each other’s minds.

They shared their quiet time, alone but not isolated, quiet breath and brushing skin their language as they both dwelled on their fears privately.


	11. xi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [ Art By FluffyMoe on tumblr!](https://78.media.tumblr.com/6c638db673b1bfc2de84abc38d49f262/tumblr_inline_oxi66tvfXR1t880ar_540.png)

# 十七

Edo’s phone chimed loudly beside his thigh, settling into a vibration pattern that just gnawed into his anxiety.

He grabbed it quickly, heart stopping as he stared at the ID.

He pressed the volume key to stop the vibration and tossed the offending piece of technology like a plastic frisbee across the empty space.

It hit the skirting board on the other end of the large room with a dull thud, and he just blinked at it for a moment, wondering if it was still ringing.

His pen still in his hand, suspended millimetres from the tablet display, he stared at the phone across the room.

Why now?

Why, after eight goddamn months since the last time they were in the same room, over two years since they last spoke, was fucking Ryo Marufuji calling him?

He knew why, of course, or he could guess that a certain blonde was responsible.

He didn’t even hate her for it, honestly, a tiny amount of smugness puffed inside of his chest that Ryo was calling him.

He’d call him back in ten minutes, he decided, he’d tell him he was sorry he missed his call, and ask if he needs a cash loan-

He cut his own thought off, that was a stupid idea.

He would call back and be smooth, use a clever line about ‘long time no talk’ or something to that effect, completely brush over the fact that he’d missed the first call.

It occurred to him that he had just thrown his phone literally across an empty office space, and felt laughter at the ridiculous action well up in his throat, his body cast forward to accommodate the flooding in his chest, a hot heat creeping up his face as he laughed until he choked, until wet tracks stained his cheeks and he could taste the salt of his own tears in his mouth.

 

He was still laughing, still laughing far too much while he drank his own tears and his body shook with thick sobs.

“What the fuck is wrong with me?” He said aloud, feeling the corners of his mouth tugging upwards in a smile only causing him to laugh harder.

Edo coughed, wiping at his eyes and chuckling softly, he inhaled deeply as he stood, crossing the room to retrieve the phone, he lifted it and then turned it in his palm.

The entire piece of glass was shattered, he dragged his fingertip along the screen and was surprised it didn’t cut his skin, a few chunks of the thick glass had fallen out onto the floor, he could see the pieces and the holes they left.

He couldn’t bring himself to care, peered through the cracked screen and distorted colours and sniffed hard, wiping his eyes once more and spoke quietly aloud to make sure his voice was under control.

He cleared his throat and dragged the bar across the screen to return Ryo’s call.

He sat down cross legged and wedged the phone between his ear and shoulder, collecting the pieces of fallen screen in his palm as it rang.

He didn’t acknowledge that the ringing had stopped until he heard his voice.

 

“Edo?”

He sounded… normal. His voice was a little soft, very kind. But it was normal. It felt like coming home from a road trip, like kicking off your pants and crawling into your own bed.

He kind of hated how much Ryo felt like his home, hated that he let him matter so much, and yet he couldn’t deny how wonderful it felt. How peaceful it felt to hear him speak, a quiet reminder he didn’t really need but still wanted, that Ryo was alive.

He forgot what he had planned on responding with, and spoke before his brain could catch up to his lips.

“Your heart hasn’t given up on you yet, then? Shame.”

The words left his mouth, his brain processed them quickly, and he stopped moving the glass, raising his head and looking at the window in front of him in horror, at his own reflection with the stricken face. “What the fuck is wrong with you,” he mouthed at himself.

Ryo didn’t respond.

He could heard quiet background noise, feedback and faint breathing, so he knew the call was still connected.

He leant back, letting his head fall on his shoulders until he eventually just flopped down onto his back heavily, staring at the ceiling.

He switched the phone onto speaker and lay it on his chest.

 

“So, two years, huh?”

The tiny scoff that passed for a laugh from Ryo was like music to his ears, Edo bit at his own lips to fight his smile.

“Two years and five months, actually.”

“Since?”  
The laugh again. “Since you sacrificed yourself to Exodia, you hero.”

He meant hero as an insult, but Edo flat out refused to accept that.

“Why, thank you. I hope my sacrifice wasn’t in vain.”

He knew Ryo was smirking then, had stopped fighting his own.

“I still died, so who knows.”

Edo paused, closing his eyes. “Huh,” he said softly, barely making the actual sound.

“....I don’t want to know.”

Edo frowned, brow furrowing. “What?!”

“Don’t say it. Whatever you’re thinking. I don’t want you to say it.”

Edo smirked and paused, weighing his options.

“Don’t, Edo.”

Edo picked up his phone and held it above his face, “So, if you died, and I died, does that technically make us both necrophiliacs?”

He watched the seconds on the call tick by with a grin, as Ryo sighed loudly for eight entire seconds before the call disconnected.

 

He called back again.

“No.”

“Ryo, wanna get lunch?”

Silence.

Edo grinned to himself, knew that he had caught him off guard and was very proud of it.

“Ryo?” he prodded after the silence extended so long that he begun to feel apprehensive, doubt wedging it’s fingers into his ears.

“Lunch.”

Edo rolled his eyes. “Yeah. A date, if you wanna call it that. Whatever. Lunch. It’s how normal people make plans.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?” He said, more incredulous than he intended. “Uh, tomorrow?”

“Sounds good.” Ryo replied, and then paused. “Can you pick me up?”

Edo sighed softly. “Sure. Send me your address. But I’m not going to walk you to your door and kiss you at the end of it, don’t get any ideas.”

“Hmph.” Ryo grunted. “I’d be more concerned you’d just walk in and take every blanket in the house, blanket hog.”

“You know as well as I do that I can’t-!” He cut himself off when he heard snickering on the phone, glaring at it. “Fuck you.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Edo. I’m glad you called me back.” He said, and the call disconnected.

Edo was left to stare at his shattered screen and give in to the panic that washed over him in waves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part Two, coming soon.


End file.
